The following is an excerpt from an assignment I gave to masters-level students taking a course on counseling skills. I asked the students to provide a short autobiography at the beginning of the term. I also asked them to have some "fun" with it. The student gave me permission to use this...I'm not sure how to take it, though.
Therapist: Hi there, Joanne. I’m very glad to meet you. . .
Client: Wow, I can’t believe I actually made it to your office.
Therapist: Why do you say that?
Client: I got lost on the way and thought I was going to go crazy.
Therapist: (Chuckling) There’s no such thing as a crazy person in my office . . . you don’t need to worry about that.
Client: I’m really relieved, cause there have been times on my way to work that I knew that the cops were following me.
Therapist: Why did you think the cops were following you?
Client: Well, I work at a residential treatment center for teen girls, and I swear, every time I get on the road to go to work, a cop follows me. I think he is stalking me.
Therapist: Stalking you?
Client: Yeah, I mean, first, I hear him on the radio to his dispatcher, telling her that he just spotted me. Then I take evasive maneuvers.
Therapist: How do you hear his radio?
Client: Through my car radio, silly. The conservative talk radio guys are actually sending messages for the cops.
Therapist: How long have you been hearing these messages?
Client: Oh, since I had my twin boys about 16 years ago. But it got a lot worse after I had my last baby at age forty-one. That one really put me over the edge. You know, don’t you, that Rush Limbaugh is planning on divorcing his wife to run away with me?
Therapist: What evidence do you have for that?
Client: Well, I’ve been married to this terrific guy for 30 years, see? And had seven remarkable children. . .perfect really. Never done anything bad in their lives. . .
Therapist: You believe that?
Client: What’s to believe? They just are perfect.
Therapist: (Muttering and writing in his notes) Wow. . .delusional . . .
Client: Anyway, Rush said that all I have to do is to get my LPC from Argosy, and then he will leave his wife. So that’s why I enrolled. Hey, did you know that on my American Express account that Argosy is spelled ORGASY??? Somebody switched the letters of the university’s name on the bill. It’s a conspiracy!
Therapist: You pay for school with American Express? Whoa. . . (He scribbles another note)
Client: It’s true, I swear! My husband always collapses on the ground laughing when he sees the name of my school on the account . . . He can’t figure out how to pronounce it—Orgassy? Or--
Therapist: (Interrupting) So what does your husband think about this new marriage?
Client: Oh, he loves Rush, too. It’ll all work out. I only have about another year and a half of classes. My biggest hurdle is this class I gotta take from Jamison Law.
Therapist: Man, I heard he was a beast.
Client: Same. I’m really anxious. I just need a few sessions of therapy to calm me down and get through his class. Then I’m sure everything will work out.
Therapist: What do you mean by “everything will work out”?
Client: You know—I’ll get an “A”, get my degree, get my license, marry Rush Limbaugh, and start my own residential treatment center and be rich for life!
Therapist: I have a friend that might be willing to see you instead of me. . .
Client: You don’t like me? You’re trying to abandon me? (she crouches in an attack stance)
Therapist: Don’t think of it as “leaving” exactly. Think of it as, er, expanding your network.
Client: If you try to get rid of me, I’ll sic Jamison Law on you! You’ll regret this! (She lunges across the desk at the therapist).
Therapist: (Yelling) Security! Security! Get in here! She’s crazy!!
